3/9/2023 0 Comments Timeworks touch recovery![]() They took sex off the table on those nights. Portland-based parents Sue and Mike decided months ago to wear their birthday suits to bed twice a week. A 2009 study in the Journal of Family Issues finds that couples that labor together, even on household tasks, enjoy more sex.Īpproaching housework and child care with teamwork in mind, and building consensus about our respective roles, not only brings us closer, it inspires intimacy.ĭissatisfied with the division of labor at home? Share this research with your spouse and, together, explore how a new approach to teamwork offers more intimate rewards.ħ. ![]() The 2008 National Survey of Marital Strengths reports that the number-one factor differentiating happy from unhappy couples with kids is their satisfaction with how child rearing is shared. Despite changing gender roles, moms still perform at least twice the amount of housework and child care as dads. What grounds you in your body? What sensual delights will you try in the next few days?Ħ. Nurturing your sensuality is foreplay to intimacy with your beloved. Too often we try to unite sexually with spouses while disconnected from ourselves. ![]() Get a manicure or massage, take a candlelit bath, do something that reconnects you to your body, including self-love. If you’re a mom acclimating to your post-birth body or navigating sleep deprivation, take time to revisit your sensuality. What small gestures get you hot and bothered? Jot down five and share them with each other.ĥ. Slip a note into his pocket detailing a steamy memory before kids entered the picture. Send your spouse an email about what turns you on about her. Kiss each other as each day starts and ends. When sex evades us, we presume we need a big remedy: hours together, weekend getaways. In addition to shifting sexual roles, what other new experiences beckon you as a couple?Ĥ. Trying new things together - sexual or otherwise - inspires closeness. Reversing our sexual roles supports innovation and prevents role resentment, as in “I’m sick of always asking for sex!” We all assume roles and responsibilities based on skill, personality, social expectation, comfort zone and whether, for instance, we’re the introvert or extrovert, or sexual initiator or responder. To support your twosome, consider these questions: What’s important to us, individually and as a couple, about feeling close? In addition to sex, what other shared experiences encourage connection? If intimacy depends on teamwork, how do we cultivate it together?ģ. In a 2000 study, the National Survey of Marital Strengths discovered that parents in happy - versus unhappy - relationships are much likelier to declare: “My partner focuses as much on our marriage as our children.” Yet celebrating your relationship remains important. In the transition from couplehood to parenthood, babies often trump romance. Understand your differing - no better, no worse - desires, and acknowledge the pain and frustration those differences generate.Ģ. Ask your spouse to share his sexual feelings, or lack thereof, and listen empathically. When this battle rages, intimacy dissolves. For example, moms feel overwhelmed and judge dads for sexual urges, while dads feel rejected and shame moms for their decreased desires. Contrasting desires spark conflict and trigger shame. Some new parents compare sex to a battlefield. Here are 10 ways to ignite love between, and beyond, the sheets:ġ. Either way, unless sexual satisfaction is the price we agree to pay for parenthood, nurturing intimacy - even when exhausted or disconnected - contributes abundantly to personal and relationship fulfillment. For some, sex begets sex for others, closeness inspires passion. Can’t get it.ĭespite the challenges parents face, connecting with our spouses - sexually and otherwise - sustains us. Is it any wonder that, in the first year or two after children arrive, finding time for sex feels like searching for the Holy Grail? Want it. The remaining third dwindles further, as we now devote precious moments to discussing kids.” As an avid researcher and mom of two kids younger than 6, I read a lot about the impact of children on relationships, including this tidbit I found: “A baby’s birth reduces couple time by two-thirds.
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